MADE In Chelsea star Millie Mackintosh has revealed a traumatic experience of ‘waking up with a person on top of her’.
The former reality star has opened up about he relationship with alcohol, especially in her book ‘Bad Drunk’.
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Millie, who is married to former co-star Hugo Taylor and has two daughters, has been sober since 2022 and her new book details her experience of drinking, from her teens through her twenties and her decision to quit.
She revealed one traumatic experience in her teens that shaped her experience of alcohol, where she returned home from boarding school aged 14.
Attending a party with her then boyfriend, she recalls being eager to impress and that her wine glass was regularly filled up.
She felt tipsy but continued to drink believing it was fine because it felt like something a “mature” girlfriend should do.
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Yet things took a turn for the worse, as Millie was sick and unwell from too much alcohol.
The reality star claims she woke up confused and groggy and found a boy on top of her.
The person was not her boyfriend, as she then claimed it was the person who had been pouring drinks for her throughout the night.
The scary experience had a profound impact on her, as she wrote in her Daily Mail piece: “Looking back, I wish I felt I could have confided in my parents.
“But how does a 14-year-old girl talk about what happened to her when she isn’t able to make sense of it herself?”
She added that “school was also a traumatic experience” as she continued: “And so began the cycle of instant gratification via boys and booze.
“The only way I could fit in with the popular crew was by pretending to be fine with their nastiness, and of course partying – which meant binge drinking every weekend.”
It wasn’t until a ‘breakthrough in therapy‘ in October 2022 that made Millie decide to give up alcohol and she has now joined the quarter of adult Brits who are teetotal.
“I didn’t want to admit it, but it’s a huge trigger for my anxiety,” she explained at the time.
“It has an instant negative effect on my mental health.”
Last year Millie opened up about hitting rock bottom as the stress of being a working mum took its toll.
In July last year, she bravely admitted she was back on anti-anxiety medication after she was left in “daily tears and feeling unsafe in my own body“.
She explained: “I was having quite a lot of panic attacks and my nervous system was actually in crisis. I had to take a bit of time off.”
Now, Millie is determined to look after herself physically and mentally and alcohol doesn’t fit into that picture.
Speaking on the CEO Mum podcast, she says: “Self care isn’t selfish. When you’re on a plane, they say, ‘Fit your own oxygen mask first, before anyone else’s.’
“You do have to keep your self care a priority, because if you’ve got nothing in the tank and you’re running on empty, you will get to the point where you’re going to break and you can’t be there for [your family] at all.”
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