In this Dharma talk extract, Brother Phap Dung reminds us to look deeply at the stories behind our celebrations and see Thanksgiving not only as a reflection on its history but also an invitation to express gratitude and transform suffering for the benefit of all.
Looking deeply & expressing gratitude
We want to acknowledge that we’re not celebrating Thanksgiving in a traditional sense; rather, we’re celebrating it as a day of gratitude. It’s an opportunity to be thankful, devoid of any specific historical representation. We believe in revising the story of Thanksgiving, which aligns with the practice of Buddhism—checking if our understanding of a story is correct. The narrative I was taught as a child depicted a harmonious scene where the pilgrims shared food with the Indigenous peoples, and they all lived happily ever after. However, many of us know that there are deeper, more complex narratives behind this story.
It’s essential to recognize that not everyone is comfortable with Deer Park celebrating Thanksgiving, and we fully respect that perspective. Similarly, we celebrate Christmas and New Year’s, and within Plum Village and Deer Park. We take every opportunity to gather and celebrate. I wanted to share how we examine what we are celebrating. For us, Thanksgiving is not only a reflection of its historical ties to this nation and its peoples but also a chance to express gratitude.
Practicing with family in challenging seasons
In the monastery, I recall that this season is often the most challenging for many people, starting with Thanksgiving. It can be tough to confront family dynamics during this time. For instance, my sister hosts a large gathering, and she even asked me to bring extra chairs because of the crowd. I feel grateful that my immediate family, including my three siblings and my mother, get along well; this creates a beautiful atmosphere. However, I recognize that not everyone shares this experience. Some families struggle with communication, harboring long-standing resentments, which can intensify during the holiday season.
It’s essential to acknowledge that this time can be particularly difficult for those who have lost loved ones or have unresolved issues within their families. My own struggles with my father often overshadowed my successes and accomplishments. Before I embraced the practice, I tended to avoid acknowledging these feelings.
The practice of mindfulness helps us delve deeper into our resentments and blocks. This is common in our relationships with loved ones. We often treat strangers with kindness, yet we may be less open with our family members. This disparity highlights one of the tragedies of being human.
The Four-Step Program
Recently, I came across a phrase that resonated with me: “the inconvenience of being human.” It suggests that suffering is inherent to our existence. This idea aligns with the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths, which encourage us to confront our discomfort rather than flee from it. It’s valuable to learn how to coexist with our pain, even if we haven’t fully accepted or reconciled with it.
The Four Noble Truths offer a simple yet profound framework for addressing suffering. This program is not about finding immediate solutions but about first acknowledging and accepting our experiences. From this position of awareness, we can begin to recognize the pain in those we love. Everyone carries their own suffering—my father, my mother, my brothers, and my in-laws each have their struggles.
On days of gratitude, we can incorporate this element of practice: to look deeply at our collective experiences. I find it suspicious when someone claims they get along with everyone; it often suggests they haven’t fully confronted their struggles. Those who genuinely understand and acknowledge their pain tend to be more humble, kind, and respectful of others.
I hope that you can embrace the courage to be present with your feelings, to accept them, and to begin to extend that understanding to those around you.
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